Lately I’ve been posting much more often, and I regret it
Even before surgery, I was already getting plenty of compliments about being pretty, and I think the more others took a liking to my looks, the more obsessed I became with my appearance. Then I had my first surgery and realized this wasn’t it, so I had it removed. As expected, removal is hard in its own way too.
I’m really feeling the meaning now of “take it out while you can still handle being ugly.” Even though my nose after surgery wasn’t exactly to my taste, objectively it was still a pretty face, but after removal it no longer looks pretty to me or to others.
About 70% has come back, but the remaining 30% is enough to make the face look less pretty.
The contraction phase is almost over and the nose feels soft and pliable. It was always a long nose, but it didn’t look long and it had quite a bit of bridge height; after shaving it down, the whole thing now looks longer and flatter. The tip is shorter than my original nose. Before, when I smiled, the tip used to drop, but now it’s fixed in place, and that doesn’t suit me and feels strange. The bridge that used to have a hump was just made broad and flat from the glabella to the point before the cartilage starts. There are no complications, and the hospital has taken good care of me after surgery, so I’m grateful. I just want to think it was the surgery that was wrong, not that I was unlucky.
If there’s a good point, it’s that my family treats me well..? Other than that, honestly there aren’t any pros. I think of it as the biggest mistake of my life. Every day I wonder what kind of effort I should make to get even a little closer to how I used to be, or to make my face feel even a little pretty again.
Before removing my nose, I struggled with anxiety; now I’m despairing over the irreversible result. I hope both I and all of you can live through this pain well nevertheless.