Hello, this is Katalena. Today I went to the clinic and asked the doctor to explain the surgical method again while I was receiving counseling, so I listened carefully as it was explained once more. I think the doctor probably saw my condition and realized that I really couldn’t do anything, that I had been hiding away at home and diligently eating only my meals and medicine (Rukio) very faithfully, and that I had even gained a bit of weight, because during counseling they always told me that in a situation like this, even without seeing me at my side, they could tell how upset I must have been... They kept worrying about me, saying that from anyone’s point of view, or for anyone who has been through it, it’s a very hard situation, and that I really have to endure it well... so in the end they agreed to perform the surgery this month (tears of joy... ㅜㅜ) But then while I was discussing the cost with the coordinator unnie, my heart sank.. First of all, the amount is jaw-dropping, so I think I’ll have to use a rather long installment plan for the first time in my life... sob ㅜㅜ You all probably mostly pay for surgery with money you’ve saved up for travel, right? Suddenly I’m so, so jealous of professional women, women whose abilities are recognized, and who make money from their talents.. I was a freelancer, so after the contracture happened, my social life (earning money, income) was suddenly cut off and blocked until recently, and I had proudly thought I had saved up quite a bit, but watching my balance steadily shrink has been a heart-clenching, spine-tingling experience (there were also situations where I suddenly found out the internet bill was under my family member’s name and didn’t know about it, then it got completely cut off and I panicked.. + since I need the internet and a laptop to prepare in advance for working actively once I fully recover after surgery, I got hit twice in a row by ransomware hacking on my MacBook, which is apparently a pretty rare thing to have happen even once, and I didn’t have the money to replace the hard drive this time either (it cost more than the removal surgery itself), so I was struggling in poverty. Since I can’t work without Word, I made up my mind and bought a cheap netbook, only for three screws to loosen one after another within a month of buying it, and then after the internet was disconnected and reconnected again, there was some situation where I couldn’t understand what it meant by saying it couldn’t connect to the internet at all... I couldn’t fight the machine, so I just left it alone.. ) There were things like that, and it was almost a continuous string of misfortunes while hiding away, no matter how positively I wanted to live, it always felt like someone was seriously getting in the way of everything I did.... ㅜㅜ So I probably have to use the borrowing option, little by little, with family members who at least know my situation and are already half-shocked... It’s so embarrassing and I’m really sorry, but... if I don’t, I don’t think I’ll end up with bad credit.. Bank debt is scary too, isn’t it?... I even paid off my university tuition loan in one shot by working almost every single day without much rest, and for a while I was seriously scraping by.. ㅜㅜ Everyone, today I felt deeply grateful for our current doctor, who has a warm heart and whom I desperately want to become my lifelong nose doctor, and for the coordinator unnie who I met for the first time today (my regular coordinator unnie was off that day), but who tried her best to make me comfortable and take care of things for me (she even held my rather heavy coat herself in that situation, listened carefully, and was attentive). So today I had an ECG and blood test done and left a deposit! (They said the deposit would be fully refunded if I decide not to have the surgery, except for the test fees.) It’s so strange, after I go to this clinic, the mind that was so insanely tangled just melts away like snow. I don’t really understand it either. I’m not usually that easy to please. I’m very suspicious of people, rather picky in my own way, and a woman who, to be blunt, used to watch plastic surgery, and even gender-affirming surgery scenes in the past, back-to-back, without really batting an eye. For those of you who want information from me about the clinic, the removal surgery cost, or the doctor who will perform it: I haven’t been able to log in very often lately, so I may not be able to reply right away, but I’m trying my best to answer everyone without missing a single person.. And I understand that the clinic name initials are okay, so if I write ‘ㅂㄴㅂ*, four letters (vowels a.o.a.i.)’ and that’s not allowed, please leave a warning comment telling me to delete it. True information is meant to be shared together. I don’t want even one person to be fooled by something and end up going to a strange clinic. If it were me, what if I had really gone to some random clinic and ended up being a lab rat; ugh.. And maybe this sounds like the same cliché I always say... but for women or men like me who were suddenly hit by a complication called contracture that I could never have imagined, got so shocked and deeply discouraged that I sensed a crisis in my life, there will be a hellish period of waiting, and there will be financial hardship too, but I hope we don’t give up with bad thoughts.. Just a little more, just a little more, and I hope we can endure that anxious time that feels eternal, get good results, and finally smile in the end. I’ll leave another note before surgery, too. I’m sorry my words keep getting longer because I’m stuck at home almost all the time without anyone to talk to... this is more of a rant than anything helpful... Anyway, everyone who’s logged in, stay strong :) I sincerely hope every single one of you gets everything resolved well.
PS. I already broke up with my boyfriend a long time ago. He didn’t even know I had nose surgery, and he was a foreigner. I completely freaked out and ended everything myself when I left the hospital on the day I was officially told I had contracture. But there are definitely people who still have boyfriends/girlfriends.. I’m so curious how it was for you all ㅜㅜ I keep getting messages these days. (Honestly, you can’t exactly say, ‘I have contracture, and if you see me, you’ll totally lose interest’........) If you’re willing to share, please tell me by message too!
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