Even when I sleep, I hope it’s a dream.. hoping it isn’t real.. I open my eyes, grab my phone, and read reviews.. Trying to find a way out of this swamp, I’ve been falling asleep with my phone in my hand until the moment I doze off, and it’s already been almost 3 months.. Maybe depression has set in.. tears come moment by moment.. Even as I’m writing this, I’m crying..
My nose was on the unusually high side.. Of course, many people have surgically done noses that are prettier, but... I lived without thinking much about plastic surgery.. While pregnant, I bumped heads with my child and injured my nasal bone, so my nose became crooked.. There was nothing I could do right away, so I lived with it, but one side of my nose became unable to breathe through, and every time I took photos, depending on the angle, I could feel the deviation.. I wanted to look pretty in my newborn second baby’s 100-day photos, so I had surgery.. Because my nasal bridge was on the high side.. I didn’t think about silicone.. I wanted the crooked nose to be straightened, and I told the director that I wanted my nose line to be slightly lifted into a straight-with-slight-slope profile. Naturally and prettily... I had seen posts from people who had surgery at that hospital saying the director made it pretty on his own.. As naturally and prettily as possible from my own nose..
About a month after surgery, once the major swelling went down, the nasal axis looked like it had rotated toward the left side of my face.. It seemed the deviation correction hadn’t been enough. In videos and photos. Even in real life, anyone could see it.. After the surgery, about a week later? From after the nasal packing was removed, green nasal discharge with a smell started coming up, and when it got worse, my face hurt.. They said it was sinusitis.. I received treatment and took prescribed medicine, and a little over a month later I had a closed revision surgery for septal correction.. It was so painful and hard, but.. what could I do.. I felt so upset that I cried, but.. what could I do.. After that, because the sinusitis still didn’t get better, I took medicine for over 2 months.. There was no improvement, so I’m having sinusitis surgery next month.. It’s my first time, but sinusitis... it’s so hard and painful... Even after getting CT scans and taking the medications prescribed by three university hospitals.. it hasn’t gotten better, and all three hospitals are talking about surgery..
After the revision, my nose became much lower, and regarding the depressed area on my nasal bridge.. the director mentioned ways to fill it with silicone or ear cartilage, but silicone, which I had never thought of.. Not only the nasal bridge, but also asymmetry of the nasal tip/alar area.. My once-high nose has become much smaller and lower, so from far away in the mirror I can feel the skin beside my nose sagging.. What should I do.. What’s sadder than resentment is..
They said it would only take a week.. so I stopped breastfeeding for a few days while dreaming of looking pretty... But for the baby whose 100-day photos I wanted to take looking pretty, I couldn’t breastfeed for two months because of sinusitis. We couldn’t take family photos either, and this beautiful time is passing by.. My heart feels so heavy.. When I see the face of my older child, who is starting to look exactly like my nose before surgery, my heart aches even more.. It hurts that I couldn’t protect the features that look like mom.. Now they say I have to have sinusitis surgery anyway, so even though it hurts, I stopped the medicine and am breastfeeding again as my milk is drying up.. Can just redoing the nasal tip make it turn out like that? Even if I don’t become prettier, I want to go back to before.. There are probably more people who live well without problems even after putting in silicone, right? When spring comes, I’m so desperate to have revision surgery and have more days smiling with my pretty babies..
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