Almost three months since removal,, (photo)

The post is long,,, please read slowly while eating,,, I had ear cartilage inserted and the cartilage tied,, and then had it removed after just two weeks,,, Now it has been almost three months since removal,,, If someone says, “It wasn’t even a major surgery, and you had it removed in just two weeks, so wasn’t it not that hard?”,,,, really,,,, honestly,,,, what I want to say is,,,, It is a pain like death that only someone who has experienced it can understand,,,, that’s what I’d like to say,,,, The nose before surgery,,,, the middle section is,,,, the hard, shrunken nose from scar tissue and contracture after removal,,,, the last photo is,,,, from not long ago,,,, in a slightly swollen state,, not swelling from the removal surgery (recent photo taken quite a while after removal),,, just a feeling that it looks a little bigger because it was morning,,, now it is only very slightly less full than in the last photo,,, the swelling went down about ten days after removal,,, and after that,,,, it was truly hell,,,, People who had only the bridge silicone removed and say “it came back~” after removal (not the ones who had only the tip done,,,,),,, sadly,, seem not to realize that about 2 to 3 weeks later,,, and especially around a month later,,, is when it gets the hardest,,,, so I always left comments hoping people would prepare themselves,,, Even with a simple surgery, the result really differs a lot depending on your tissue response,, I have somewhat thick skin and oily skin,, so scar tissue formed a bit and contracture seems to have come on a bit more,, but while loosening that and bringing it down,,, honestly,,, just remembering that pain makes my heart race even now,,,, it was so scary,,,, really,,, before sleeping I couldn’t even cry (if I cried my nose would get bigger and harder even more,,,,) and I fell asleep with a fear ten thousand times worse than a horror movie,,,(thinking about the morning,,) woke up (couldn’t even sleep properly,,,), and immediately did warm compresses again,,, almost except for sleeping time,,, even while eating I was massaging it,,, early management is really, truly important,,,, even someone who had the same surgery removed at the same time as me,,,, and who was already four months out more than me,,,, said their symptoms were such that even though the shortened tip did not come down much and there was still hardness,, I saw cases like that too,,, For me, only after a little over two months did it start to soften,,, and the tip tissue loosened too, so the flattened, pressed, shrunken shape almost returned to the way it was,,, the shape started returning around a month and a half,,, more or less,,,,, it hurt my heart, but that person said they didn’t do early care and just trusted the hospital’s advice,,, didn’t take the medicine either,,, barely did any massage,,, and regretted it,,, saying it feels like it’s too late now and not very effective,,,, that really made my heart collapse,,,, Lately,,,, I’ve been in a confusing period,,,, compared with the pain before, it’s not even pain,,,, at home it looks almost the same,,, but when I go outside and catch my reflection in glass or glance at a mirror hanging outside,, it seems a bit different,,, and I really get depressed,,, There are several possibilities here, so,,, first,,, I gained weight, and I’ve been living like a shut-in for quite a while,,, I’ve gotten pretty worn down,,,, and I used to never go out without makeup, but now I go around bare-faced,,, so that face is a face I’d never seen before, which makes it look awkward and different,,,, second,,, the tip of the nose has changed,,,, it’s noticeable,,,, third,,, I had never in my life looked only at the tip of my nose before, but now my way of seeing things has changed, so I can’t help but look only at the tip sensitively,,, and things I couldn’t see before now show up, so it looks strange and different,,, The conclusion is,,, I think all three are true,,, it’s changed only very slightly, so other people don’t really notice, but my family,,, my boyfriend,,, everyone doesn’t notice,,, it feels like I’m the only one in the world shouting, “I’m the only one who changed!!”,,, So that tiny change in the tip of my nose,,, my changed perception,,, and my weight gain and shut-in appearance,,, those three things,,,, blend together well,,, Boom!!!! synergy effect,,, I guess,,,, so these days I keep getting confused,,, ah,,, what is this,,, something is,,, off,,,, I’m going crazy,,, I get depressed,, I get choked up,, sigh,,,, then when I come home,,, what is it,,, it’s similar, isn’t it,,, seriously,,, I’m losing it,,,, that’s how I live,,ㅡㅡ If I have a wish, it’s two things,,, Since it’s almost been three months now,,,, as six months approaches,, so a total of nine months,,, with time passing like that,, I hope the fullness of the tip decreases just a little,,, if it gets just a bit slimmer than now,,, honestly,,, I don’t want anything more,,, the shape has almost returned now,,, but it’s like even the same pants look shorter on a fat person than on a skinny person,,, maybe that kind of symptom,,, even though it really hasn’t become shorter no matter how I compare, it looks a little shorter because there’s a little flesh attached to the tip of the nose,,,ㅡㅡ And the other wish is,,, for my nose to be the same when I wake up in the morning,,, I really dream of one year from now,,, one morning,,, my nose is,,, exactly the same,,, tears of emotion,,,, eek,,,, unbelievable,,,, infinite gratitude,, I still keep massaging and taking medicine,,, I also do warm compresses,,, I absolutely prevent dryness or the tip of the nose getting cold,,, and I manage the sebum,,, that’s how I live,,, you know sebum isn’t just for the skin,,,,, it’s also related to scar tissue,,, if sebum gets gunked up, the tissue clumps more,,ㅡㅡ In the early stage, if you keep shaping it repeatedly, you can make it to a certain extent,,, like rubber clay, as long as it hasn’t fully healed yet,,, but if it hasn’t healed much yet, strong stimulation has the opposite effect,,, From the point when it starts healing, clumping up,,, and beginning to harden,,, that’s really when management starts to shine,,, Anyway,,, now that my shape has settled,,, I keep massaging to prevent any more change and to reduce the fullness,,,, and I’m walking that path of living,,, It’s just that time has to solve it,,, so while that time passes,,, I need to regain what I lost,,, because I can’t afford to lose more in the time ahead,,, later I’ll just end up crying while holding on and thinking time would have solved it anyway,,, when in that time I could have exercised, lost the weight I gained, taken care of my skin, and built more skills, I’d have become a better version of myself than I am now,,, I don’t want to regret it,,,, really,,, if there’s anything I’m sick of, it’s regret,,, I am someone who feels good when the weather is nice in the morning,, and enjoys chatting excitedly with friends while eating something delicious,, finishing the day beautifully and coming home to watch TV and laugh, choosing pretty clothes or cosmetics or enjoying investing in myself through exercise,, smiling brightly at the mirror,, talking about life with mom and dad,, going grocery shopping with my boyfriend,, and finding that ordinary but happy daily life again,,, I thought so,,, it’s not that I can’t do those things now,,, but truly,,, I wasn’t happy without even a speck of sadness in a corner of my heart,,, I haven’t been able to live like that either,,, I cried a lot while regretting it,,, wondering what I’d be doing around now,,, if only I hadn’t had the surgery, what would I be doing, what kind of appearance would I have,,, sob sob sob,,, and again,,, my nose got ruined,,, I’d choke up while massaging it,,, seriously,,,, that pain,,,, just thinking about it,,, but,,,, I couldn’t throw away the regret,,, really,,, no matter how much I tried to cut it off neatly and say, “It already happened, so I shouldn’t regret it,” it absolutely didn’t work that way,,, so I thought, if I’m going to regret it anyway, let’s regret it like crazy,,, just let’s be obsessed with regret and do it to the fullest,,, At first,,, I was incredibly sad,,, Why did I do it,,,, if I hadn’t done it by now,,, sob sob,,, but then little by little,,, I started to get defiant,,, I was sad and then I started getting angry,,,, I’ll,,, take it,,, back,,, and while thinking that, I went hard at the management,,,, seriously,,, like a crazy person,,, I didn’t do anything else at all,,, I couldn’t,,, with my nose looking like this,,, what would I need anything else for,,,, But I was worried that living like that might make me negative,,, yet instead I spread out,,, became loose,,, unlike the times I was depressed, crying, worried, and anxious,,, it felt like confronting it head-on,,, a full-on battle against hardship and pain,,,, and I actually became more active,,,, of course,,, I still couldn’t go out much, but even then,,, and then now,,, I’ve gotten better so,,,, I’m doing well,,, Though,,, I still regret it every morning when I wake up,,, I start the day by giving myself a refreshing regret session,,ㅡㅡㅋㅋㅋㅋ I regret it to my heart’s content,,, accept the present,,, tighten up my plans,,, and then live the day,,,, now even in the morning it isn’t very hard,,, just a little hard,,, my condition is much better, but now with the passage of time and with massage,,, with exercise,,, with medicine,,, with supplements,,, for my future plans,,, I’m going to study Japanese and English,,, do a healthy diet,,, work (my job,, design-related,,) while living,,, and once more than a year passes by in a flash,,, I’ll be slimmer than I am now,,, be able to speak Japanese,,, smile brightly when I meet foreigners,,, and love my nose, which stays the same even in the morning,,, and live like that,,, I don’t want to hear negative and hard stories anymore,,, though if I can help someone in a difficult situation, I’m happy to listen,, but I avoid things that just make me anxious and sad,,, a hopeful and energizing life,,, mindset,,, really,,, seems so important,,, To everyone who is struggling after removal,,,, really,, hang in there,,, The reason I put up photos too was so you could look and estimate,,, the side view is actually better,,, the front view is,, I permanently deleted the after-removal photo,,, because it made me want to die while looking at it,,, Really,,, the shape had completely collapsed,,ㅡㅡㅡㅠㅜㅠㅜ Everyone’s different and every surgery method is different, but if I just list the words, it’s,,, warm compresses / massage / Rejuben / exercise (they say gaining weight is bad,, and it slightly affects the tip too) / preventing dryness / preventing the tip from getting cold (the tip of the nose is a bit cold compared to the rest of the body,,) / sebum management / always moisturizing / drinking lots of water / supplements (I really think this is important,, for wound recovery,, for scar tissue and contracture,, I read it in a book,, burn patients get firm scar tissue and contracture as they heal, because it’s an open wound healing without suturing rather than a stitched scar, so the inside of the nose was shoved and prodded by surgery,,, because it’s an open wound left to heal without stitching, unlike a sutured scar it leads to more collagen formation and more contracture,,, of course it improves over time, but there is a limit, so if you don’t manage it, it can remain only partially released,,, anyway,,, the conclusion from burn patients who took in lots of minerals and got better symptoms than those who didn’t was that contracture and scar tissue were both less and wound recovery was faster,, honestly even a tiny difference makes you want to grab at a straw when you’re looking at a changed nose after removal,,)/eating less salt so it won’t swell,/keeping it warm and humid,,, (I had the removal in May when it wasn’t hot, and I lived wearing a mask,,, keeping it warm so it would soften a bit,,)/etc.,,, I don’t remember everything I did,,, but anyway,,, I spent every day like that without missing a single one,, I did sometimes think that with a simple surgery, wouldn’t it all just become like that with time,,, but seeing people for whom that wasn’t the case made my heart really drop,, and I didn’t want to live buried in regret again because I hadn’t done my best, anyway,,,, ah,, seriously,, this is long,,, even I think I talk way too much,,,ㅡㅡ sorry,,, that was a deep post,,, good night everyone,,