Hello, recently I had suicidal urges and I’m still stressed every day…

Hello. I am someone who had surgery for deviated nasal septum and rhinitis, and had only the nasal tip operated on using septal cartilage. About 2 months after the surgery, I ended up having septal cartilage removal surgery at another hospital. After the surgery ended, the doctor said, “It seemed like the nose might collapse, so I left a little bit of the septal cartilage,” and handed me a mirror. When I looked, as people who have had only the tip removed after having the septal cartilage set up would know, they had left about 1/3 only at the point where the septal cartilage rises from the middle of the nasal dorsum toward the nasal tip. So the nasal tip was soft and squishy, but when I pressed it, I don’t know if they had shaved down the hump, but I couldn’t feel anything at the tip. Instead, it moved well left and right and was soft, so that was good, but when I looked properly in the mirror in the changing room, something felt strange. At first I thought it just felt awkward because I had gotten used to my previous nose, but the nasal tip was not smooth and was almost at a straight-line level. So my mother also looked at it at home and said it was straight, and I called the hospital in a panic, but consultation hours had already ended. Then as time passed, my nose became completely swollen, and because of the swelling the nasal tip became rounded. So the next day I went to the hospital and showed photos from when the straight-line shape was still there, asking if it would become like this, and they said that was because of the taping. So I asked if it might become like this once the swelling goes down, and while taking photos, they said that once the swelling subsides it would roughly look like this, and that it would not become that way. But when I had the septal cartilage removed, I wanted a nose where the tip came down a little, yet I still can’t get used to it, whether because the nose is still upturned or because it is high, and it is so stressful. My younger sibling and parents at home say my nose looks fine now and that I should first wait for the swelling to go down. Since the nose shape cannot be predicted, I should see how it settles. It has currently been 5 days since the surgery. When I had an online consultation with the director of ㅇㅁㅇㅍㅁ Hospital in Seoul, it felt like communication was somewhat possible, so I plan to have the stitches removed this Saturday, watch until the major swelling goes down by the following week, then remove the remaining septal cartilage while lowering the nose a bit. I really don’t know whether I just can’t adjust because it is so different from my old nose, or whether the nose looks strange even though some swelling remains, or whether this is the cosmetic surgery addiction I had only heard about. Every morning, I wonder if my nose has become even stranger, so looking for a mirror has become my routine, and no matter what I do, I keep looking for a mirror and checking it. The stress is really driving me crazy. Because of one terrible hospital, I didn’t even know it counted as cosmetic surgery, and when I see myself having come to this point, it really feels like a dream. So I want to ask everyone for help. I uploaded photos. The photo where I’m wearing a hood is from yesterday (5 days after surgery), and the nose with the pink background is from 2 days after surgery. And the last one is a photo I just took a moment ago. In my opinion, the nose is a bit high, and because the tip looks slightly long vertically, the nose itself looks a bit unnatural. There is still some swelling left at the nasal tip, and I’m scared that if the swelling goes down in that state, the nasal tip will drop into a vertical straight-line shape. I would really appreciate your thoughts and help. Every day I get stressed, become exhausted and fall asleep, and when I wake up, the same life repeats. Also, I don’t know if you can see it if you look closely, but there is a bent area starting slightly below the middle of the nasal dorsum, and the septal cartilage is raised there. What I’m worried about is the anxiety that when the swelling at the nasal tip goes down it will become straight, and that there is some swelling in the columella area, and if that swelling goes down, it may look like a pig nose. For now, if the swelling goes down and there is no further deformation from that shape, I plan to live with it as is. Even if it is a little stressful, I have seen people who removed things unnecessarily and then developed contraction or contracture and had an even harder time. In any case, thank you so much to everyone who read this. If you have any knowledge, or if after seeing the photos you have some idea how it may turn out, please leave a comment. When I stay home alone, there is no one to talk to, so the stress is really no joke. Then have a good day, and if there are people who are stressed or struggling like me, please hang in there, and I hope we can get back up together. ^^