I was so surprised that so many people left comments and so many people also sent me private messages. It made me feel bittersweet that so many people are thinking about nose implant removal, but I was also grateful because many people encouraged me. I had been someone’s hope, and then thinking that I had broken that hope too, I remembered how, before my removal, I also cried and laughed here because of just one person’s words, so I felt needlessly sorry too.
But even now, whenever I think only about my nose, my chest feels heavy, and when I look in the mirror, it is hard because there is some woman with a flat pig-like nose.
Looking back now, after the surgery, as I felt it, my nose was quite crooked, and when seen in bright places, it was sharp and unsettling enough that my friends and family would say, "Your nose is kind of like that, it looks like only the nose was attached separately," but maybe other people did not pay much attention to it (especially men). At that time, embarrassingly, I remember hearing a lot that I was pretty and even that I looked like "Lee Min-jung." In just 6 months, I got an incredible amount of advances and, for the first time in my life, even experienced something like being picked up on the street. Maybe it was because I was born unattractive and did not grow up hearing those words much, but at that time even that really felt unpleasant and burdensome, and I felt like I myself was deceiving everyone, so I was not happy at all, and I think I just absolutely could not accept it.
Sometimes, even if it hurt a little or bled a little, once I fell into thoughts like, what if I lose my nose forever as a pig nose or upturned nose, I really could not get out of them. Women who immediately noticed I had plastic surgery would whisper, feel uncomfortable making eye contact, and seemed to find it hard to deal with me, and I think that was what decisively made me choose removal. In any case, mine was not a successful surgery, and it was a nose that looked quite obvious.
But now I hear that I look plain, simple, and when elementary school kids draw my face, only two nostrils are wide open lol There are also kids who tease me by calling me ugly and saying I look like Shin Bong-sun, sigh. My parents also say, is your mind at ease now, why not just live with what we gave you at least as it was, who is foolish enough to remove everything after getting surgery to become prettier and actually becoming prettier, and I could only cry.
Anyway, I thought a lot while reading the messages and comments. I feel self-loathing about how I look now and have no confidence, but if I knew the situation now and went back to that time again... I am not sure... Still, I think I would have had the removal. It looked so obvious that the very existence of "me" felt dishonest, and not only am I not the kind of personality that can live as a plastic-surgery monster, as time passes I should naturally forget the fact that I had rhinoplasty, but because it looked so obvious, I could not do that. In the end, I guess my personality is just a plain one ㅠ
To the many people who are considering removal. If you remove it, you really become less attractive. It may probably feel much bigger than you think. Even if you hate your current nose enough to feel like you could die, your eyes are already used to it, so even if you go back to your original nose, you will probably find it ugly and dislike it. (If it had been perfectly good from the beginning, you would not have had surgery.) Unless the inflammation is severe, or the surgery itself went terribly wrong so that the implant rotated or protrusion occurred, no matter how many posts you leave for doctors and no matter how many messages and comments you send to people who already had removal, the difference is only a matter of a little less or a little more; I think the objective fact that "you become less attractive" cannot be helped. ㅠ Even people who were pretty before surgery may have to let go of that title the moment they remove the nose. You cannot go back to your original face, and a person’s mood and aura are decided by a 1 mm difference.
But at least you can let go of the feeling that you are living while deceiving the world, people’s gazes, and the fear of side effects. There is also a kind of "hope" that if it really does not work, you can get filler, and if even that does not work, then you can have revision surgery. Anyway, this is the end point... Maybe because I could not sleep yesterday either, I feel unsettled today too, so last time I wrote mainly about my condition, and this time I tried writing mainly about my feelings. If you are removing it because "it is not pretty," then revision surgery is probably right, and if you feel psychological guilt or fear, then removal... is probably the only answer. I do not think you can catch both rabbits ㅠ
Spring is almost over too. I hope my frozen heart melts, and that I also adapt to my face and become prettier. Stay strong, and I will be cheering you on!
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