I never knew a decision I made when I was really immature and foolish would turn out like this

Ever since I was young, my nose was wide and low, so I was extremely stressed about it. I even had nicknames like “big nose,” and the center of my face always looked pressed in... Then I entered university, and there were so many really pretty girls. I kept thinking, why is my face like this, and I was truly in despair a lot. That doesn’t mean I had an ugly face. I had a cute-looking face, and thinking back now, I was popular too. But gradually, my confidence in my appearance hit rock bottom, and I decided to get nose surgery. The world really felt unfair. After directly experiencing how people’s attitudes change depending on appearance, I thought I didn’t want to live like this. My family isn’t one that can pay for surgery costs and things like that. So I used the scholarship money I got from school and added a little of my mom’s money, chose a hospital really carefully, and had surgery. I felt guilty because of my parents, but I was so happy thinking I could become prettier. I was so immature... Why did I really do that? Then I had the surgery, and what is this, they made me a man’s nose. It was a clinic opened by an ENT doctor, and after seeing the result I was honestly so dumbfounded. The clinic said it was swelling and that it would be okay once it went down, but this wasn’t swelling; they had basically put in a thick, high silicone implant as it was. Compared with before surgery, there was nothing slim about it, and my nose just got bigger. It looks obviously operated on too.... All my friends asked why I did it and said it was much better before... I think so too. Anyone would think that. I can’t even dream of revision surgery, and I just want to go back to my old nose... but that’s impossible, right? I know that too. After reading posts by people who had silicone removed, I’m so scared and worried. My nose was originally low, so what if it gets even lower? More than anything, I feel such a huge sense of betrayal toward the hospital, the director, and the consultant. I lost weight from stress, and now my nose looks even more prominent. These days I just don’t even want to live. I had silicone in the nasal bridge, and septal cartilage + ear cartilage for the nasal tip. They put 3.5 in the glabella area, and probably 6 in the nasal bridge. It’s really high... If I remove the silicone... will my nose change a lot...? I would be fine with just my old nose... I regret it so much.... I shouldn’t have done it... I feel so sorry to my mom too, and I wish I had used that money for tuition instead... It’s been a long time since I met my friends. I just go to school for classes and come straight home. I have more to write, but I’m doing this on mobile, so it’s hard Thank you for reading. I’m currently working part-time, and I will definitely save money and have removal surgery.