The photo shows my small-looking lips now… + my philtrum has become longer. My lips used to be much fuller T_T I do not have many front-facing photos, but even at a glance, the size looks half as large. This was my first cosmetic surgery ever, and I think I did it impulsively.
People around me kept saying I did not need plastic surgery at all and asking why I was doing it. I had heard that I was pretty so many times throughout my life. From elementary school through university, people around me said I was famous for being pretty. It may sound conceited, but honestly, my face was not one that needed surgery.
Still, I personally was slightly unhappy with my cheekbones and jaw, and I also had asymmetry. I thought I could become prettier with just a little work, so I booked the surgery. This is the downside of the media… When I saw celebrities become dazzlingly beautiful, I started wanting to believe that, with just a little more work, I could become a goddess like them too T_T
I had booked it for the following year, but I live abroad and was suddenly laid off. I could not even tell my parents, and while preparing to change jobs, I thought, “Since I have no work anyway, I should just have the surgery while I am free,” and moved the appointment up.
I considered telling my parents dozens of times because it was major surgery. Then I simply rented an Airbnb alone, and the day of surgery arrived. At that time, I had been waiting for an email about the result of a job-change interview for a month, so I was truly mentally exhausted… Even then, I was already barely living. It was a legendary mental breakdown.
Even on the day of surgery, I honestly thought many times, “My face looks so pretty; should I not do this?” (Sorry if that sounds conceited, but as I said, my face really was not one that needed surgery.) Maybe because I was mentally unstable, I just thought, “Let’s do it. It is too late now,” and somehow went through with it T_T
For the cheekbones, square jaw, and chin: both cheekbones were reduced by 4 mm, the square jaw was cut while leaving 2 cm below the ears, and the chin was cut by 1–3 mm because of asymmetry.
It has only been a week, so people say the swelling is severe and this is not my real face yet. But my lips, which were originally slightly upturned and full, have become tightly closed, small trapezoid-shaped lips. I feel like this is not my face, it feels unfamiliar, and I have become so ugly… Can all of this really recover? T_T I did not contour my face too severely, did I? I am terrified that my face will change drastically.
I was staying alone at an Airbnb and had panic attacks, calling a suicide counseling center as many as four times a day. Even then, I kept struggling to breathe and truly felt I was going to die, so around day five I called my parents and told them everything. They came to take me home T_T
My mom cried when she first saw me, saying my impression had changed, and kept avoiding looking at my face T_T My dad said, “Your face was pretty with some angles, but now it has become round like the moon.” They asked why I had done that when everyone said I was pretty wherever I went, and why I had done it when they had been so proud that I was beautiful without any surgery.
At Chuseok, a new family member had asked whether I was not coming and said how pretty I was, so why had I done this? I drove a nail into my parents’ hearts during a holiday and became an unfilial child. I feel like I am truly going to hell… I had no face to show my parents, so I knelt down and sobbed. I kept repeating, “Mom and Dad, I am sorry.”
Meanwhile, I kept thinking about how terrified my mom must have been all alone. My heart was breaking so badly that I thought I would die… I know we have to wait and see the swelling go down, but I am so scared. Every time I look in the mirror, I wonder who this is. My heart pounds every day, and I do not even know how I am still alive.
My mom says, “Why did you ruin a pretty face that money could not buy?” It really feels that way, so I am devastated T_T Of course, my cheeks are very puffy from swelling right now, but I still feel that my face before surgery was prettier. Whenever I look at old photos in my gallery, my cheekbones and square jaw were not even that severe; everything looked harmonious and pretty. I do not know what kind of greed made me do this T_T
I wonder how I can ever meet the people around me with this face… I paid to have my bones cut, and now there is only going to be sagging; if I do not even become prettier, I do not know how I will live… I really want to die… If I could turn back time, I would never have plastic surgery, even if someone gave me 100 billion won T_T