In the end, I’m removing the entire nose after just one month and going back

June was a month in which I lost a lot: money, time, mental health, and even much of this year’s remaining vacation days haha… My mental health was generally positive, and I had managed social life pretty well without major problems. But someone like me, who gets stressed without even a minimum level of freedom, feels reassured only if I can at least make some kind of plan for a bad situation, or cannot tolerate anxiety and has to look for and check things, is really not suited for nose surgery. Unless your original nose has truly severe problems, I think it is better not to do it. From day 1 after the surgery until today, for 25 days, not a single day passed without thoughts about my nose staying in my head from the moment I woke up until I fell asleep. By the time I realized something was wrong, I thought it might already be too late because the changes were big. Every day my nose shape changed, and I was exhausted and going crazy from taking photos from multiple angles, comparing them, and checking what was a normal change versus what was an abnormal symptom. Even when I tried other hobbies, it only lasted for a moment, and soon I was back in reality checking whether my nose was attached properly, whether it was tilted, whether it had risen. For my mental health, I tried to stop reading the community and stop thinking about my nose, and tried to shift my attention, but as if to prove a point, symptoms appeared and dragged me back to reality. As time passed, I was just starting to become a little more tolerant of the anxiety when, of all things, a symptom appeared that I could not find anywhere despite searching for the same case. I showed the symptoms to one of the three major doctors, and they arranged an urgent consultation, but fortunately it was not serious enough to require immediate removal, so I went back. But on the way back, a question came to me. When I heard the surgeon say that it was okay and that we should observe it, did I feel only overwhelming relief, or was I also heartbroken at having to keep living like this? The more I thought about it, the more I felt that if this continued, my most important life might become unhappy. I had lost a lot of weight from stress and had become gaunt, and my room had become dirty, reflecting my mental health. I had heard many times, and I also knew in my head, that this anxiety and discomfort would get better with time, that once I got past this moment it would become relatively tolerable, but this was not supposed to be my life to begin with... Even if I somehow endured this moment well, once I started thinking seriously about cosmetic surgery, I would keep seeing endless things that seemed like they needed fixing, and in the end I felt I would be endlessly unhappy because I could never be satisfied with just one thing. But since it had not been long since I had made a foolish choice by taking surgery too lightly, I could not be 100% sure of my thoughts, so I called people around me. While explaining what I thought and what had happened, I suddenly started crying and had hyperventilation. I had never experienced that before, and it made me deeply realize how hard this had been for me. When I calmly looked back through old photos and reflected on the past, I saw that my nose really was ugly and awkward, but at the same time it felt so lovely and so missed. My original nose was not especially pretty, but it was not seriously problematic either, so why did I get greedy? And I imagined what my future self would regret more. The answer was obvious between losing something that did not exist before and losing something that had always been there. It is a bit late for early implant removal, but they said I had not completely missed the window, so I barely managed to schedule surgery for next week. There are many people who have nose surgery and live well without problems, so you might think I am foolish. But this decision was neither swayed by other people’s opinions nor something I think was a momentary impulse. I simply took a wrong turn in the life I have lived, and now I will return to the original path. (Though for a wrong turn, the cost is way too high.. haha) My thoughts are not automatically correct, and everyone can think differently, so just think of this as my experience. One month really felt like several decades. Thank you so much to everyone who gave me sincere concern and advice on the way here. I had been eating like maybe one meal a day, but after sorting out my mind and eating, it goes down so smoothly haha.. I should also clean my room a bit. I still have to have the removal surgery and it is not completely over yet, but I feel like I have found my original path again, so my mind is calmer than ever.