Thoughts of dying..

Last December I visited an otolaryngology clinic to have a hump removed and a crooked nose corrected. A few years ago, while I was desperately searching for hump removal, I saw a post written by someone on a blog, and from that post I saw a result that was not overdone but just right, so I thought I should visit there someday too. But it was far away, so I could not bring myself to go, and I kept living like that... Then I heard that a clinic had opened in the area where I live, so I went there. In truth, I went more for cosmetic reasons than anything else, because I was just going to shave down the crooked, protruding part, so I did not know anything about nose surgery to begin with, and only now have I learned about ear cartilage, costal cartilage, fascia, and so on.. At that otolaryngology clinic, they said the tip also had to be done too. But I really liked my nose tip, so although they showed me a virtual 3D simulation, on the day of surgery I said I would not do that part, and the doctor agreed, and we went into surgery. After the splint was removed, the doctor said, "You like it, right? I slightly tied the tip." I was momentarily shocked and thought, what is this? Then I looked in the mirror, and at least the hump had been smoothly shaved down. At the time, everything was swollen anyway, so I thought they probably did it because it was necessary. After that, when I looked in the mirror at home, I sometimes wondered if the tip was too round, but since the overall balance was fine, I did not think about it too much. It was not enough to stress me out when I looked in the mirror. However, on day 10 after surgery, I went to take sticker photos, and there I could see that the front view of the tip was a little too round. Even then I just assumed it was swelling and let it go. But the problem was that from month 4 onward, the flatness became extremely pronounced. The bridge of the nose suddenly seemed to disappear, and because of swelling around the glabella at the time, it was the day for my follow-up visit to the otolaryngology clinic. So when I carefully asked, "Could this be swelling? My glabella and this area seem swollen," the doctor said everything I was saying was not the case. It was not swelling, not residual swelling, not scar tissue.. In that moment I thought, then is this going to last forever? After that I visited about two more times and said, "It feels swollen and tight. Did you touch the tip back then? Could it be because of that..." and the doctor said, "Ah, I should not have said anything. It was just a slight touch," like that... Without speaking from any medical knowledge or explanation, the doctor said to go to ophthalmology or dermatology for what I felt was swelling, turned their body back to the computer, and really... After that I never went back to that otolaryngology clinic. I kept trying to endure it with the mindset of, let's hold on until 6 months, but I lost 6 kg, and trauma made even daily life difficult, so I felt it was impossible and went to another otolaryngology clinic and a plastic surgery clinic at month 5.. I really thought it was ruined because of that doctor's attitude, and because they did whatever they wanted, I wondered whether the functional parts inside had even been done properly.. I thought this must definitely be a revision surgery case, but thankfully the other otolaryngology clinic said the surgery had been done well, and that swelling can last up to a year... And of course, they explained in detail that when you shave down a hump, the nose can become a bit wider and flatter. They also said that even at the 1-year mark, if I still feel mentally troubled after the swelling goes down, I can have a little filler placed on the bridge of the nose... I was so grateful... Thanks to that detailed explanation, I have been eating well and sleeping well too. But that trauma and... the fact that my nose tip was tampered with without my consent still hurts, and mentally I am suffering. Will I really be able to return to my old image? I truly did not want nose tip surgery, so why... did they turn it into cosmetic surgery? That thought is so painful, and every day is still a bit hard. The only relief is that... someone with a similar situation to mine also posted about it in a community and later improved, and seeing that gave me some peace of mind, but I do not know.... Honestly, these days I can barely even look in the mirror.. I have also had severe panic attacks, and I have come to the point where I want to give up on life, and even my job may be something I have to quit... If anyone is in a similar situation to mine, or if there is anyone who can help, could you please leave a comment? I really... need help.