Even though I removed it.. I still hurt. Maybe I have to die…

For a year and a half... I was so exhausted and in so much pain.. In the end, I started removing things one by one. Last February, costal cartilage,, When I said it hurt too much.. in June, they replaced it with L-shaped silicone. When I still said it hurt.. in November, they cut the leg of the L-shape, and when I still cried and made a fuss saying it hurt so much I felt like dying, in April they opened me up for complete removal, but they said the costal cartilage fragment that had remained from before seemed to be the cause, and only removed the costal cartilage fragment. (Even if I were the doctor, I think that could happen..) When I still said it hurt, on May 4 they removed all the silicone. When I still said it strangely stung and hurt, on May 11 they opened it again and removed stitches. (At this point, I am something else, and the hospital is really something else too..) They said the stitches had been poking me.. The hospital said now all the foreign material in my nose has been removed, so it will not hurt.. they said that.. But my nose still hurts terribly.. It has hurt for as long as a year and a half.. Now the area around the nasal septum feels tight, the philtrum area also feels tight, and something still feels like it is poking me.. The inside of my nose is completely hard beyond words. When I pronounce “oh,” it feels like some membrane is blocking everything. Other people say that after removal, the nasal bridge and nasal tip feel tight, but for me, the inside of my nose is still continuously hard, it feels as if hooks have been placed there, and on top of that, something keeps poking my nasal ala.. It feels like some foreign material is still left in my nose and tormenting me... They said they removed everything.. They say there really is nothing.. Why does it hurt? It may also be because it was opened too many times, and there may be scar tissue too, but I had been in pain since the costal cartilage surgery a year ago.. I know I am sensitive too.. but I am so curious what on earth the cause is.. It hurts so much I do not want to live, and I am worn out,, Those who have been here a long time may know.. I really have gone on for a long time, right.. Now I do not want to live anymore.. The hospital is doing its best and treating me well. They are all hoping I get completely better too,.. But.. the problem is that I am not getting better. Has my nose gone crazy.. or have I gone crazy? If I die, what will happen to my family... I can see that the hospital really understands my pain fully and is trying to share in that pain with me.. But.. the fact that I am not getting better and it hurts... It is terribly sad.. I should not be like this.. but it hurts so much.. I really believed that if everything was removed, I would be able to live... But since it hurts more.. there is no hope to live... Does it have to end only if I die.... Is that how it is..