Why does no one answer me...

I had a short, upturned nose, thin skin.. I had all the bad conditions, and I had revision surgery.. I first had it done with silicone, and after 5 years it became upturned.. So I had septal cartilage surgery, but before even the surgical swelling went down, in less than 2 months, inflammation.. I confused it with surgical swelling and couldn’t detect the inflammation early, and in the end the nasal tip cartilage melted and contracture started.. But the director said that if I removed it, the aftermath would be no joke, so somehow with medication treatment it improved a lot. The shape is awful though.. If I do have removal, would it be better to do it after 6 months? The director says once the inflammation heals, we should redo only the nasal tip after 6 months, but under the pressure that it could recur at any time, all my hair is falling out and I even have bipolar symptoms.. I feel like I’m going to develop a mental illness. But... at first after surgery, when the cotton packing was removed, blood poured out like crazy, so they anesthetized me again and poked around, then 4 days later they said blood had pooled and they should wash it out, so they opened it again, and because the nasal tip color was bad, I kept wearing an oxygen mask. White threads all popped out, and anyway the progress was bad. Then a month later they asked if I had smoked, and without thinking I answered honestly.. Yes.. I said, and then they said it was inflammation and that it was my fault I went through hell and the result is like this.. Honestly, can my luck keep being this terrible in life? I want to die.. Every day I sit in front of the computer looking only at plastic surgery online, and honestly.. I wonder why I did it.. Anyway, other doctors also say to trust and follow my director, but I need to be able to trust him.. But now if I ask him to remove it, I’m afraid later he’ll say, you didn’t listen to me and asked me to remove it. My nose is already ruined, so even if I go somewhere else, I don’t think they’ll do it.. After removal, I’ll probably look like Michael Jackson Even now you can see all my nostrils.. Ah.. Please tell me what the right thing to do is.. Please give me strength.. I’m stressed all day thinking about my nose.. suicidal thoughts, sob Ah, if a complete nasal restoration becomes difficult, which hospital would be good.. somewhere that can at least make me look like a person.. I live in Busan, but is there a big difference in skill compared with Seoul? More for treatment than for shape..