Today is day 11~

It’s still uncomfortable now, but for the first week I regretted it so much that I thought I really shouldn’t have done it,,daily life was uncomfortable, and since I’m an office worker, commuting with a mask on was hard too,,,the weather has warmed up a lot so it was hot too~ I still have swelling, but now I go around without a mask~ I’m on day 11 now,,when I touch it, the surgical area hurts, so I wash my face by rubbing very gently~ I’m being as careful as possible~ Even when I first went to the clinic for consultation, they said swelling doesn’t go down on both sides together; one side can go down first and then the other side can go down,,so it definitely doesn’t mean it turned out uneven,,and that I should watch it for a month. I knew that, but the moment a coworker said it looked like it was leaning to one side,,gasp,,,what should I do,,I felt hopeless,,the swelling had gathered around the glabella, so I had barely escaped looking like Avatar,,and because my outer corners are short, my eyes also seem to look close together~ At first, the moment they removed the splint at the clinic,,the nurse said the line came out so well and told me not to be shocked when I looked in the mirror~ that it was much better after doing it~ She was the nurse who helped during my surgery, so she had seen my face before,,and because she knew my before-and-after face,,I thought, what a relief.. She made such a fuss that I really felt relieved,,but then when I looked in the mirror, my eyes looked way too close together~ I thought maybe I had expected too much,,and that time would be the medicine.. I still have a lot of swelling,,but since it looks so obviously like I had surgery,,my mind is unsettled,,I asked them to make it as natural as possible, since my eyes are small,,I clearly said as natural as possible,,but it also seems too high,,the doctor said during the consultation that he would raise the nasal bridge by only 1 mm, but after surgery he said he raised the nasal bridge by 2 mm and the nasal tip by 3 mm~ Since I don’t know how many millimeters are needed for it to look pretty and I don’t have the knowledge,,I just thought the doctor must have taken care of it well and moved on,,but maybe because the side of the nose line was carved down too much,,it also looks like a piece of chalk was implanted~ I don’t know if it’s because of swelling, but the nasal tip is also high, so the nose looks upturned~ like a pig nose~ I was even told it looks like a pig nose~ The consultant said that if the sides of the nose are wide, even if you raise it, it won’t look like it was raised~ so I said please take care of it well and let it go~ ahh~ I’m so unsettled~ If I remove it again,,the money would be a waste too,,but I also wonder what if it becomes lower than my previous nose~ My previous nose wasn’t low either~ As the days go by, my worries just keep piling up~ What worries me most of all is that I started smoking from day 4 before the stitches were removed~ so I’m worried about inflammation too~ If you search online, it says it’s not necessarily that smoking causes inflammation~ and that it’s better not to do it as part of aftercare~ so I just went ahead and smoked~ I smoke more than 10 cigarettes every day~ Maybe because I’m focusing my nerves there, after smoking it seems to throb and sting more~ In my own way, I also disinfect often with hydrogen peroxide, but since it’s a respiratory condition,,,I also can’t not smoke~ I just had nowhere to let out my frustrated feelings after nose surgery, and it felt awkward to tell anyone~ I meant to write just a few lines, but I think I wrote way too much~ Thank you for reading~^^::