I'm writing because this feels serious to me,,, My nose surgery went wrong, so I had it removed, and now it has almost returned, but,, Just like people say,, like doctors say, that it may return about 90%,,,, it has returned about that much,, if someone heard this, they might say there are people having a harder time, are you joking,,,, But why does my heart keep feeling so heavy and depressed,,, When I take photos, seeing a face different from before is so hard on me,, In real life it's three-dimensional, so the changed parts don't stand out sharply, but photos are flat, so even a slight difference in the flesh stands out so much,, And I don't think I can escape the horrific memories,, One nostril was stitched incorrectly, so when I'm still it doesn't show, but when I make an 'o' sound or purse my lips to take a photo, it doesn't move,, and as I look at that nose,,, somehow I feel like I've become disabled,,,,, my boyfriend is seriously considering it,,, suggesting that we go to psychological therapy together,,, honestly,, I have a little bit of that feeling too,, I thought everything would be solved if only my nose became similar to before,,, but I really hate myself again for being greedy,, I was greedy, got surgery, and ruined it, so that should be enough,, yet I'm being greedy again and wishing it were exactly the same as my old nose,,, but I absolutely won't have revision surgery,,, After going through something traumatic, it seems like aftereffects develop,, I want to believe it will get better with time,,, I also feel sorry for tormenting my boyfriend,,, Lately, whenever my boyfriend doesn't treat me well even a little, I keep saying, 'Is it because I got ugly?,,' I've been saying it all the time,,, and he says, 'Really, unlike a little while ago, now it's almost the same,, my behavior is the same as before, so why are you like this,,,' Sigh,,, when nose surgery goes wrong,,, even human relationships become hard,, Thankfully my parents don't know,,, If only this darn nostril would go back,,, I don't know if the front of my left nostril healed while clumped together,, or if the flesh gathered under the left nasal ala healed while being pulled,,, I always used to take selfies from the upper right,, but now the nasal tip comes out in photos as if it's been cut off,,, First, I'm going to go to an ENT clinic and consult about whether this can be unfolded,, And even when I'm still, that part feels slightly pulled,, thinking I'll have to live with this for life,, it's driving me crazy,,, It's like one spot is slightly itchy 24 hours a day,,, even scratching doesn't relieve it,,,, I think these trivial and subtle things drive people crazy,,,, they don't go away,,, Even if the shape has returned almost similarly, the thought that my nose is abnormal seems to make me depressed,,,, These days I,,,, seem to be doing something bad,, I keep,,, I soothe my heart by thinking about refugee children in Africa,,, Actually, after doing that, in the end,,, I felt uncomfortable and sorry,, so I joined UNICEF and even set up an automatic transfer of 40,000 won a month,,, Really,,, it gives me all kinds of life experiences,,, makes me see the world differently,,,, and completely changes my values about appearance,,, I hope everyone doesn't suffer because of surgery,,, There is exactly one person I hope isn't happy,,,, the doctor,,,, the doctor at the place where I had surgery,,, A doctor who consults carelessly and does surgery roughly, ruining someone's life,, But it turns out the place isn't completely unknown either,, Recently, while digging through posts, I read a story about a ruined nose surgery, and when I read the hospital description,,, it was the place where I had mine done,,,, somewhat known for two-jaw surgery,,, has separate directors for eyes and noses,,, the doctor who does eyes and noses,, kind of good-looking,,,, located in Apgujeong,,,, please don't go there,,,, I know it's a bad thought, but shouldn't directors like that,,,, disappear,, My friend had ear cartilage and silicone done together there to bring the nasal tip down,,, but now it's slowly going back up again,,, looks like the nostrils are showing,,, like before,,, She said it seems like it's not contracture, but because they didn't fix the ear cartilage properly,,, I guess I should delete all my old photos,,, Honestly, after being told I was beautiful and then becoming like this,,,, My friend told me, because she's a real friend,, wasn't I too arrogant, trusting my face too much,, didn't I hurt the people I dated,,,, She said my face has almost returned now, but since all my values changed,, think of it as a good experience,,,, I cried so deeply,,, because I felt sure I was being punished,,,, I'll wait another 2 or 3 weeks, and if the condition gets worse,,, I'm going to go for counseling,,, psychological therapy,,, Or maybe I'll go back to church,,, At times like this, shamelessly, I end up looking for a priest,, nuns,,, and want to make confession too,,, Anyway,, today too, I'll try somehow to smile,,,,,
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