I went to the underworld and came back

My nose was originally high, my side profile was pretty, and when seen from the front, my nostrils/alar area were a bit plump, so it was a cute, youthful-looking nose. But I didn’t like hearing that I looked young, and while working in society I didn’t like having a babyish face, so I decided to get nose surgery. For a year I didn’t meet friends, didn’t spend where I shouldn’t, saved diligently, and went to the hospital. When I went for the consultation, the director looked at me at first and said, “Your nose is pretty, why?” Even so, I said I wanted it to look slimmer and had the surgery, but after the surgery I looked in the mirror and thought I would flip over. A monster nose... the nostrils looked like electrical outlets, and it had become a gaping nose. I was really shocked... They said they had repositioned the nasal cartilage, but what on earth did they do for my nose to become such a mess... First, I came home... From then on, life like hell began... Even after a day, nothing got better, and my impression had changed to look so harsh... I couldn’t get used to having a foreign material in my nose, it felt suffocating... I couldn’t breathe well either... Under lights it was so obvious, and it had become way too high. In the end, after 3 months I had it removed... I left the nasal tip cartilage tying as it was. I felt like I could live a little... In those 3 months I lost enough weight to drop 6 kg... But it wasn’t over... My nose gradually developed contracture, became hard, and turned into a pig nose... I realized that one nose can decide whether a face is pretty or not. My boyfriend used to follow me around saying I was pretty, but now he says I’m awful and ugly... The thought that I paid money to ruin my face, and as someone who is really sensitive about my face, it was enough for me to think about s***ide... I was like that. Lost motivation for everything... only my nose... Even when I slept, I dreamed of going back to my old nose... Looking at old photos, I regretted it a lot. Why didn’t I know back then that I was happy... But as time passed little by little, the pig nose gradually came down... Still, maybe because of the nasal tip cartilage tying, when I smiled, the nasal tip stayed fixed, so my face and nose moved separately... like those glasses with a nose attached to horn-rimmed frames... After 6 months, I went to the hospital and said I wanted to have the cartilage loosened... But the hospital kept talking in a way to avoid surgery no matter what, saying things like there’s nothing good about touching it repeatedly, etc. I also didn’t want to touch my nose anymore or be stressed anymore... So I’m living now with the thought, let’s just live with it... Every day I massage it so the nose becomes softer... It has returned to its place about 80%, but... I miss my old self so much. One thing I realized is that I shouldn’t be too greedy, and that a natural face is the prettiest...