Oh please, what do I do?

I'm in so much pain.' I feel like I'm not in my right mind. I have assignments to do too, remove remove remove remove remove remove remove remove remove removeㅔjeㅓk remove remove remove remove remove jeㅓgeㅓ remove removeㅔremove remove jeㅓk I must have searched for removal hundreds of times, I dug through the internet again today, and looked through every other cosmetic surgery community too, but I feel like there is no answer. Because of this crazy nose, I don't know if I should die after all this. I really wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up. I'd rather get dementia, or get hit by a car while I was out and die. Seriously, I don't even know if this is a human face. Honestly, it was my fault for having surgery, but I guess I wasn't in my right mind either. I wasn't especially pretty for my age, and I wasn't an ugly face either, just an ordinary, cute face. When I dressed up, people said I was pretty, and everyone I met said I had a cute face. That was my charm, my one unique charm. I went and touched my nose to try to become prettier, and now it's neither here nor there. My face is worse than before. My side profile is abnormal, and under bright light it looks even more like an abnormal nose. When I was just standing with other people, I had a face that didn't fall behind anyone, but now I have really become ugly.. One friend told me, "Being with you makes me look pretty." I shouldn't say this kind of thing, but I've become even worse than people who are below me. It's amazing how a nose alone can change a person like this. Seriously.. Why did I pay money just to have surgery and become uglier? I said I was stressed because my nostrils showed a little and my nose bridge was low, and every time I looked in the mirror I thought, if only I fixed just this low bridge, would I look more defined? I thought my face would stay the same and only the bridge would get higher. I also had a nose where the columella wasn't visible. I didn't know the columella would come down when correcting a retracted nose. The reason I had surgery to raise the bridge was that my bridge was really, really low, so when I parted my bangs, it felt awkward because my bridge was so low. I wanted to get rid of my bangs, so I had surgery, but my face changed so much that I regret not just getting filler in my bridge instead. I just want it to go back. I guess it's true that the nose is the center of the face. I feel like I'm going crazy. It feels like there is no answer. Because of nose surgery, everything is a mess. I can't even go to church properly, and I quit being a Sunday school teacher, which used to make me happy, and I end up moving from church to church alone. I feel like I'm mentally strange. I go to church, attend the service, and come straight home. I lived my whole life hearing that I look young, but now that my nose has gotten longer and the columella shows, I guess I look really old. When someone asked how old I was and I said 21, they said, "You seem mature for your age. I thought you had already graduated." Hearing that was so stressful ㅠ Since freshman year, I've been steadily preparing for transfer exams and managing my grades carefully, but because of the nose surgery, everything is ruined. This semester's grades feel like they'll hit rock bottom. I've already skipped class twice, and during class I just zone out, and I don't even take notes. Everything everyone told me about being okay was a lie. I have eyes too; my face became strange, but my family kept saying, "It's okay, it's okay," so I thought maybe it really was okay and wondered if my eyes were broken. No, they were lying because they didn't want me to be hurt. What am I supposed to do now? What do I really do? Seriously, there's no one I can trust. Next Friday I'm going to see a professor at a university hospital for an examination, and I'm sure he'll say the same thing. My nose tip has been manipulated a lot, so he probably will.. So what if they say, just remove the silicone? I absolutely won't have revision surgery. If I have revision surgery, I feel like my nose tip will be even more ruined. I fought with my mom again yesterday. My younger brother says I'm mentally ill, and everyone seems resentful to me. Because they didn't tell me honestly that something was wrong, when I thought about removal on day 20, if I had done it then, would I be okay by now? I was going to remove it then, but my family kept saying it was okay, that it was okay, and I feel like that's how I ended up here, so I'm resentful toward everyone. What do I do about my face? Seriously, I'm trying to hold on through faith, but I can't. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. No one will understand how I feel. My friends just tell me to keep living, but seriously, hearing that makes me think.. Ah, everyone thinks it's no big deal because it's not their own face. How strange must I have become for someone to say, "Why did 000 get cosmetic surgery? LOLLLLLLLLLLL" I heard that, didn't I? I cried my eyes out that day, seriously. Hundreds of times when I go to school, the urge to just walk out in the middle is overwhelming. If I say I want it removed, my dad definitely won't leave me alone. Even when I had the nose surgery, I did it without my dad knowing, and his heart was really broken that day. If his daughter says she's going to cut into her face again to remove it, his heart would be really hurt again too. He hates facial surgery and is conservative, and removal would also have to be done without Dad knowing, and seriously, why was I so clueless? I should have just given that money to my mom and dad. I really feel like a brainless woman. I should have just given the money I saved from part-time work to my parents. I had surgery to become a monster, so maybe I'm being punished. Seriously, what do I do? No matter how much I look everywhere, there is no answer... I really want to go to the hospital where I had my nose surgery and ask for compensation. The thought of it is really sky-high. But I don't even have the courage to actually go and ask for compensation. What annoys me most is that if I remove it during the semester, people will make even more of a fuss, and that's really so damn embarrassing; the rumor will spread for sure. And this vacation I'm going to do practicum at a kindergarten, why are there so many obstacles? Lately, all that comes out of my mouth are swear words. I used to always be bright and energetic, but now I have no energy and seem suppressed. The day before yesterday, because I had to take graduation photos, when I put on the graduation cap I had to sweep my bangs and all my hair back, and when I did that, because of the long protruding part of my nose tip, I thought I looked like some monstrous disabled person. Right now, the urge to just cut off my nose tip with scissors has really come up hundreds of times. What I really can't understand is that even other people can see my nose shape is strange, so why does that doctor think it turned out well? I really don't understand. He doesn't acknowledge it at all. It really hurts so much, seriously.. Next month makes three months, and compared with one month or two months, around three months is when scar tissue starts to soften, so I really hope by then I'll be in a condition where I can remove my nose. Please, my nose right now looks like some deformed shape, and even if I take it out and it changes a little, I feel like it's all the same anyway. I really just want my impression back, and for my side profile to have a normal nose. If my nostrils become a little more visible, that would be stressful too, honestly, but I do think it's still better than having an artificial nose. I was in a state of complete despair, and when I wake up in the morning I think I want to kill myself. Why am I even living? I have to get through another day in hell. It hurts so much, seriously. Where is the answer, really? What am I supposed to do? They used the septum, so removal will probably be even harder. There is no answer. Because there is no answer, I'm so angry, seriously ㅁ아ㅏㅏㅏ really..