As of today, I think it’s one day before it’s been a month. I just graduated from college and I’m job hunting, but I suddenly had surgery as if I was possessed by something. I had my eyes and nose done together, and honestly there isn’t any part I likeㅜㅠ I just miss how I used to look. I regret it a lot, and sometimes when I wake up, I think I wish I could go back to how I was before..
Actually, even the day before surgery, I kept hesitating, but I thought my usual lack of confidence, withdrawn, introverted personality would change. I remembered seeing posts in some online cafe saying their older sister became pretty after surgery and got treated well wherever she went, so since I had decided to do it anyway, I thought I’d do it, get my certificate, study, and get a job, and I went through with it. I think I only looked at the immediate future and didn’t think about when I’d be older, or after marriage, or the future.. I also thought too easily about removal.
Life is definitely different from what I imagined. Even after surgery, anxiety about my face because I don’t know how it will change, regret that came rushing in after the splint was removed, and the heaviness, hardness, and discomfort I feel more as days pass. Anxiety that I don’t know when side effects might come, and stress from regret.
Before surgery, they asked, “If we use septal cartilage, it can feel hard or a bit uncomfortable. Is that okay?” But since I’d never experienced it, there was no way I could know that feeling, and I just said yes and had the surgery.
I need to study for a certificate exam in April, but I really can’t focus on anything or see anything properly. I cry while listening to online lectures, cry while lying down.. Every day is hard. My personality has become even more introverted, my confidence has dropped even more, and I only feel self-loathing. My long-distance boyfriend kept trying to stop me at first, but because I wanted it so much, he comforted me and told me to go and do well. Now I keep regretting that I should have listened to him, so whenever he worries and asks how my face is or whether the swelling has gone down, tears come first..
My parents seem to think I’m satisfied because they let me do what I wanted, and they tell me to focus on studying and getting a job now, but I feel so sorry. I can’t get anything done, and when I’m home alone I get anxious, keep pacing, cry, calm down, then cry again when I think about it.. It’s mentally so hard that I’m even thinking about going to a hospital...
Ha, I really have nowhere to vent ㅠㅠ When I went to college in another region, I lost contact with many of my high school friends, and since I was in engineering I don’t have female friends, so I have nowhere to vent. There’s no one around me who has had surgery, so I have nowhere to ask.. Yesterday I carefully brought it up to a friend, and they asked why I would remove it after going through the trouble of doing it..
The distance between my eyes and eyebrows is narrow, so my upper eyelids are bulging, though I don’t know if it’s tissue or swelling, and there’s no swelling on the line. For my nose too, after removing the splint, the nasal tip wasn’t swollen, but the glabella was really severely swollen. But when I touched it, it felt a bit deviated to the left? So I was anxious, and when I went to the hospital on days 2, 5, and 7 after surgery to remove stitches, I kept asking the doctor if it was swelling, and later he got irritated.. But that eye swelling is still there now at one month, only very slightly reduced, and it has almost become an inner double eyelid. As for my nose, when I went for the one-month follow-up, there was still swelling in the glabella, but it was almost all gone, and even now it looks deviated to the left.. Seeing the doctor get irritated, I thought maybe I was being sensitive and it would improve once the swelling went down, but it’s still deviated.
They said after 3 months, once the swelling goes down, they’ll look at the condition and correct the deviation if it can be corrected, but that also involves making a small incision in the nose, so I’m worried. If they’re going to make an incision, I’d rather remove everything, because I feel like I shouldn’t keep touching my nose.. Before surgery, what I had decided was that there would be no second surgery, and if there was a second one, it would be removalㅠㅠ Before surgery, while looking at my nose, the doctor muttered to himself that maybe it was asymmetrical and that it could look a bit deviated. When I asked if it would be very noticeable, he said it wouldn’t be that noticeable, but to me it’s so visible;
Ah.. I really have nowhere to vent, so I’m writing because I feel stifled. These days, my daily routine after opening my eyes is going on plastic surgery-related cafes or this community. Honestly, cafes only have review photos, so I don’t look at them much anymore.
Because I’m bothered by my nose, I can’t even have much physical contact with my parents, my pronunciation seems a bit unclear, it’s uncomfortable because I can’t open my mouth wide when eating, I can’t meet my boyfriend, and when I go outside I always wear a hat. I put on makeup for the first time at week 3, but I was shocked by how badly my skin makeup sat, so I don’t wear makeup either.. I used to like dressing up and going around by myself, but now I don’t dress up and stay home every day.. It’s been one month now, and my graduation ceremony is next week, so I think I’ve missed the early removal timing. I’m scared to go to graduationㅠㅠ
After 3 months, in April, I’ll take my certificate exam and go to the hospital for a removal consultation. Would that be okay? When is a good time for removal? I had a short, low, small upturned nose.. I heard they would use 4 mm silicone, nasal tip extension with septal cartilage, and ear cartilage, but I don’t know about things like cartilage tyingㅠㅠ
If the septal support strut is removed, do compression and contracture really happen? I think I saw somewhere that a nose like mine is underdeveloped? and could get contracture or become more upturned.. And before surgery, they said if I remove it, I shouldn’t take out the septal support strut. Can’t this be lowered or removed? I truly only want to remove everything...
Oh, and what does it mean for the septum to be long? Before surgery, the doctor touched my nose and I think he said my septum was long. When I asked if that was good, he said it wasn’t goodㅠㅜ In my case, would removal make things worse?
Ha.. I really don’t know anything and I’m truly ignorant.. Please help me, everyoneㅜㅜ I’m sorry the post got so long.
Can’t I upload photos from my phone? When I press attach file, it only says uploadㅠㅠ
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