In 2012, I had nose surgery with silicone + ear cartilage. At first, my appearance had changed so much. I had a cute-looking face with a short, low nose, but my nose became too long and made me look older, so I cried a lot and often thought I wanted to die.
I also lived shut away for about 6 months. As if time were medicine, I gradually just lived somehow. After about a year, I got used to how I looked and started finding some pretty points because my nose was higher.
But in 2013, maybe because my skin was too thin, my nasal tip started drooping and the cartilage began showing through. My nose became very dry, I had frequent nosebleeds, and there was some pain. So at the original hospital, I had surgery to add dermis and slightly lift the drooping nasal tip. After that, my nose would sometimes get red and my nasal tip felt like it was floating, but as time passed, it started feeling like my nasal tip was pulling to one side? A pulling sensation? I would be okay when sitting or concentrating on something, but when I tried to lie down to sleep, I felt those symptoms, and my head even started hurting. Along with the pain, my nasal tip drooped again. Recently, symptoms that used to happen only at night started happening day and night at any time, and it even swelled badly, and my nose was so dry it felt parched. I couldn’t do anything at all, and because I was in pain, my personality became so bad, and the pain became unbearable, so I went back to the hospital.
Even before that, because I live on Jeju Island and couldn’t afford to go back and forth to Seoul, I went up once in the summer and said it hurt and my nasal tip was drooping. They said something about the nasal septum and that if they built it up firmly, it wouldn’t happen, but maybe because it was the hospital that had done it, they talked as if it was strange because there was no way I could be in pain. So in winter I went up to Seoul again and visited several other hospitals, but all they said was that they didn’t know why I had that pain. They said they could make the shape pretty, but they weren’t confident enough to operate just to get rid of the pain. They recommended that the doctor at the original hospital would know my nose best, so I had it done again at the original hospital.
That was the wrong choice. I clearly said it hurts.. Please just make it not hurt.. That’s what I said.. They said okay.. They said they would make it not hurt. Since they even took a CT, I thought this time they would really make it stop hurting. I clearly said my nose felt pulled and pushed to one side, that it hurt and I couldn’t sleep, but I lay on the operating table, and when I woke up, my nose was just.. They lowered the bridge, but built up the nasal tip with the nasal septum and made it completely sharp, creating a strange witch-like nose. And the symptoms I mentioned didn’t disappear either.. Because they built up the nasal septum.. it pulls more and hurts more.. Really, truly, I have lost so much after doing my nose. When I first had it done, because of how strange I looked, I couldn’t go to university and ended up being withdrawn. I tried to live while calming myself down, but my nose started hurting, my personality became sensitive, and I can’t do anything. The time that has just passed hurts my heart so much.. Now I just want to remove everything.. Silicone, nasal septum, ear cartilage, all of it.. I want to be free from the pain.. Because it would be removal after my third surgery, I’m also scared that my nose might completely collapse.. It has now been 8 days since the surgery. If I remove it, will everything collapse down? My nose originally showed my nostrils, so will they show even more? I really want to live like other people too. It wasn’t rhinoplasty I wanted to do; I was dragged there by my older sister, and seeing me suffer afterward breaks her heart too, but when I say I want nose removal, she first worries that the shape might become strange. What should I do at a time like this?
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