Story of my botched eye surgery

Hello, from now on I'll tell you the story of how my eye surgery got botched haha I had my first surgery when I was 19.. right before graduationㅠㅠㅠ That was the problem..ㅠ When I was young, I thought I would automatically become prettier if I just got it done, so without properly looking into it, I followed my friend straight to the clinic she went to and immediately said, please make it an outline like this and got it done. I had a clearly defined double eyelid on one side, and on the other side I used double eyelid tape. They were uneven;; Even after getting on the operating table, I emphasized that I wanted a thick line and asked them to make it thick, and said, please make it an outline without visible scarringㅜ please take good care of me, but... The director smiled in an unsettling way and said, I'll make it thin for you~~^^^ That's what he said.. Is he joking? I thought he must be kidding During the surgery consultation, he definitely said he would make it thick as an outline..? Then suddenly once I was on the operating table, he said, I'll make it thin and nice for you(?) He said, since your eyes are uneven, I'll open one inner corner more widely~~ haha, and I felt anxious.. I was so anxious that as soon as the surgery ended, I looked with my phone, felt frustrated, went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, and what is this...??? Anyone could see it was an inline crease...;;;; So I told the nurse, I asked for an outline...ㅠㅠ When I asked why it was an inline crease, she said it was because of swelling..... I was so anxious and dumbfounded.. No, I'm sorry, but honestly, anyone can see this is tucked inward... I said it seems like an inline crease, so please check with the director.. ㅠㅠㅠㅠ Then suddenly the story changed..;; They said the director thought an inline crease would be better for my eyes, and from an expert's perspective, because my eyes were uneven, that line wouldn't suit me Then isn't that something they should have told me before the consultation?... I was truly so speechless I was so dumbfounded that I asked why they said they would do it that way before the consultation, and they said they didn't know before surgery that my eyes would be this uneven, but because they were uneven... They said it so casually.. Since crying would make my eyes swell more, I held it in, and when I said, you performed it differently from what we discussed in the consultation, so if I don't like it, will you do revision surgery for free? They said, for now, because of swelling you can't have surgery, so come back in 6-7 months, so I went after 6 months, but the director was busy and told me to wait a little... there, I don't know how many hours I waited.. Of course he must be busy, but I really waited an extremely long time and when I finally met him, he just kept saying there was still swelling, so come later When I went in the 8th month, they said I needed to wait more... The disappointment and despair can't be expressed in words... I really never want to feel that way again Even after that I kept going, and since the cost issue wasn't my fault, you'll do it for me, right? I asked just once But the moment they said, what can we do when the surgery has already been done, and that there would be some revision cost too, it wasn't anger, I just felt so wronged that huge tears started falling.. Actually, my eyes weren't ones with no double eyelids at all, but after all the swelling went down, on the original line only dark scars were left,, For the epicanthoplasty too, it would have been better not to do it. The inner corner was opened downward, so my impression looked extremely fierce, and on top of that it was uneven, with one side completely dug downward and the other side with scar tissue.. sigh Before surgery, my eyes were a bit small without makeup, but my impression wasn't this fierce, and I had heard that I looked pretty with makeup, but now I thought I couldn't find my own face anymore, and I didn't want to meet anyone, didn't want to look in the mirror, and only cried I was so obsessed with my eyes,,, a person really becomes ill I developed social anxiety and even depression, had no confidence, thought of everything negatively, and I think I was trapped in bad thoughts.. I wondered why I begged my parents like that and ruined my face.. I told my mom that when I saw my face I wanted to die, that I didn't want to do anything, and that I wanted revision surgery, but at that time, how heartbroken must my mom have been Thinking about it now, I regret it so much, and those were such immature days... So now 6 years have already passed, and I've only thought about it and haven't been able to do it because I'm so scared it will fail again ㅠ When I was young, money was the issue, and I thought I would hurry and do it as soon as I had money, but now that I'm earning money and have money, I think what happened then comes back to mind and it has remained as a trauma Now I've given up on everything and kept brainwashing my sick heart with the mindset of, let's love my face, let's cherish myself and love myself If I don't love myself, really no one will like me, and if I love myself, then maybe people will still look at me kindly, and with that positive mindset I think I recovered little by little haha So I joined this site to get good information, and after making a big decision, I'm thinking of trying revision eye surgery Thank you for reading this long post. Everyone, please make wise choices and take care of your beautiful face and heartㅠㅠ As I wrote, I think I ended up ramblingㅜㅜ Thank you for reading Like 1