Just venting..

About 2 years ago.. I had saline implants through the areola.. Now I'm living while being called an S-line.. On the outside I smile, but on the inside.. I feel like I'm crying.. It looks pretty on the outside.. but honestly, once undressed, it's terrible.. The surgical scars are still there.. They don't move naturally either.. When touched, they are relatively soft, but when I lie down, it's like two rice bowls.. Even my right nipple has no sensation.. The left still has a little sensation, but compared with before surgery, it has dropped markedly.. My left breast has been hurting for a few days.. I went to the hospital today.. They said it isn't a problem with my heart or lungs.. It hurts every time I breathe.. It has only been a few months since I went to a breast surgery clinic.. so I feel awkward going again for no reason.. and it's my chest wall that hurts, not the breast itself.. But.. once it started hurting, all sorts of thoughts came to mind.. What if the implant is leaking.. and causing inflammation.. Of course, it makes no sense for an implant that had been fine for years to suddenly start hurting.. But for no reason, that's the first thing I suspect.. At least since it's saline.. I'm just staying like this with the straw-like thought that it probably won't be a problem for my body.. It hurts.. but the hospital says there is nothing abnormal.. I also wonder if I should have gone to a breast surgery clinic instead.. It seems like there are many people thinking about surgery.. Really, please think a lot before doing it.. Honestly, I didn't think much before doing it.. Just with that one thought that it would go well.. But.. once you really lose sensation and are left with scars.. it gets to the point where I don't even want to take off my underwear.. Only the outside looks pretty.. really without substance.. I'm truly jealous of people who were born an A cup.. I think that if I had been.. if I had been an A cup, I wouldn't have had surgery.. Sigh.. I was in pain, so I just vented a bit. Bow..