I really have strong suicidal urges

I’m writing again not long after writing the post below.. It’s already been about 4 or 5 days since I wrote the post below.. but it hasn’t gotten even a tiny bit better at all.. It’s been over 2 weeks since surgery now, but my double eyelids are still so thick that even when I force my eyes fully open, only half of my irises show, and because I can’t see well it’s frustrating... When I try to open my eyes wide, it feels tight,, and since they cut away all the extra eyelid skin without leaving enough, it pulls even more and the double eyelid folds don’t overlap well,, the sausage swelling is severe Other people say that once the stitches are removed, swelling goes down day by day and you can see it becoming natural, but mine keeps staying the same.. I don’t think I can even have revision surgery.. My eyes and eyebrows are so close that the double eyelids are almost right under my eyebrows.. They’ve made me into a complete monster... One eye also has a slight tendency not to close.. How can I get revision surgery from here I don’t think this is because of swelling.. If it were a problem that could get better by waiting, I would wait.. I’m a total monster.. I ended up showing it to someone for no reason... Someone I know saw my eyes.. and apparently said this when I wasn’t there.. that if her surgery turned out like my eyes, she would have to kill herself.. that she would absolutely never get surgery.. If it really stays like this, I’m going to kill myself.. I got surgery hoping things would get better because I’ve only had hard times lately.. but I guess nothing ever works out for me.. I guess I have to die.. Tonight I’m going to tell my partner we should break up.. They’ll break up with me anyway when they see my eyes... What am I supposed to do.. Even dying scares me.. but living like this is more painful and frightening.. How can it be exactly the same from the day the stitches were removed until now.. On the operating table, I told the doctor I wasn’t greedy about making my eyes bigger, so please don’t overdo it and make them natural, thin, and even thinner... But he cut everything away like this and made them thick, and there needs to be some extra skin for the swelling to go down and naturally cover the double eyelid.. but he cut it all away... I had it done in Incheon... What do I do On the day I went to have the stitches removed, I also had inflammation in my eyes, so I had to get anti-inflammatory medicine prescribed again, and the scarring is seriously no joke right now.. On the day I went to have the stitches removed, I bet I was the only person who went to the hospital with monster eyes like mine? I took photos of just my eyes to upload.. but they looked like a monster’s, so I cried for 2 hours.. Even if I wear thick horn-rimmed glasses, my eyelids are thicker than those thick frames, so they don’t get covered.. I absolutely can’t live daily life.. Horn-rimmed glasses don’t cover it either.. I think I need psychiatric counseling.. I’m worried I might jump without realizing it.. I can’t live like this.. People who want plastic surgery.. especially eye surgery.. It’s the most important.. If possible, don’t do it.. I still hope this is a dream..