My 4th nose surgery in my mid-20s (planning a 5th)

I feel like I’ve had revision surgery almost once a year. For the 1st surgery, it didn’t look like I had anything done no matter who looked at it (silicone + septal cartilage), and instead only my columella got longer, so it became uglier than my natural nose. For the 2nd surgery, I was scared of side effects, so I didn’t put in silicone and only used autologous dermis for the nasal bridge, but it all got absorbed later (autologous dermis - AlloDerm + autologous costal cartilage). For the 3rd surgery, (silicone + autologous costal cartilage) I put silicone back in and made it as dramatic as possible. At that time I really had a huge transformation, but I worried a lot because my nasal bridge and tip were crooked and the tip cartilage was showing through, so in the end I spent 13 million won at another place for my 4th surgery. The crooked nose and uneven nostrils were corrected a lot, but I really hate the thickness and line of my nasal bridge, and I actually liked my crooked 3rd nose better, so I’m at maximum mental breakdown right now. I’m really, really going to do my 5th nose surgery as the last one, but I’m so scared something will go wrong later.. I’ve lived my whole life being careful and trembling with anxiety that inflammation or contracture might happen. My natural nose basically only had nostrils, so I seriously can’t even dream of removing the silicone. I really like drinking and smoking, but after my 4th nose surgery I quit smoking because I was afraid this damn nose would really go wrong Now I don’t have money either, and if something goes wrong and contracture happens, ha.. I feel like just dying would be faster. Even around me I’ve never seen anyone my age who has fixed their nose this many times, and they say the more you repeat nose revision surgery, the higher the chance of inflammation and contracture becomes. On top of that, I had my nose stretched so excessively that it can’t be lengthened any further, so I’m even more anxious.. Is there anyone who has had their nose fixed many times because they were dissatisfied with the shape and is living well without any problems..?