It is becoming 8 months after my jaw and cheekbone surgery..
I don't know if anyone remembers me,
but it was extremely hard.. and it was hard to be sure that another surgery would make things better..
After failing at cosmetic surgery, I was scared to trust it again,, and I myself had no confidence in anything
Cheek sagging side effects (diagonal under-eye lines.. nasolabial folds around the mouth, etc..). A crushed-looking nose because of the botched nose, and bruise marks left like dark circles.
Sunken temples;;;;
First, since my home is in the provinces.. I went around to several hospitals in Seoul..
But even when I had consultations, they all said almost the same things..
and going back and forth to Seoul while dealing with illness(?) seemed far too hard,.,
So I decided to receive procedures from a doctor I trust in the place where I live..
First,... because of my jaw that had been cut away too much, they are inserting implants..
They said there has to be jawbone so that an implant can be placed on that area and a natural angle can be made,,
Because of my dog-like jaw that was cut away too much, my salivary glands look like lumps..
In short, there is no bone to attach anything onto..
But.. I thought the area that looks like a lump might look a bit more tucked in if the square jaw protruded a little..
so I inserted silicone on both sides, 4 mm (was it?)..
If done through the mouth, I thought recovery would be too delayed like last time, so I boldly did it through a skin incision..
Implant insertion is also like square-jaw reduction surgery. It is uncomfortable to eat hard foods..
I chewed once on beef porridge my mother made for me.. and tears came to my eyes;;;
Right now I have a small stick like a drain tube inserted and a bandage wrapped around..
And.. fat grafting...
I had fat grafting for the under-eye hollowness caused by cheek sagging symptoms... the chin tip... and the temples..
Among the old bruise marks that had turned dark-circle-like.. I also had dark-circle fat grafting for the dark area under my eyes
Because the side effect of cheek sagging made my face look undesirably broad, I had fat grafted to the chin tip,
but the doctor said the chin tip moves a lot, so the engraftment rate would probably not be great....
First, my face is swollen and bandages are wrapped above and below, so I don't really know about the fat placed in my chin
I'm fairly satisfied with the under-eye hollowness and.. dark circles, etc.. but right now my whole face is swollen too,
and they say fat gets absorbed, so I think I need to watch the progress more..
I asked them to do under-eye aegyo-sal too, and they recommended filler
They said fat has to be grafted over an area with bone to be stable and not become lumpy, something like that;;;
So when I said please inject filler, they said let's get it after watching the progress of the under-eye fat grafting, so I couldn't do it..
And.. accepting the reality that I cannot go back to how I was before,
as a desperate struggle to somehow get better even with this face,
I even put silicone in my forehead..
I was debating whether to do it with fat or silicone,
and the doctor said fat has no side effects and feels reassuring,
but silicone is better for effect and satisfaction,
But.. it really hurts.. I don't know if it's a bit better because I took painkillers;;
Anyway, after surgery I keep feeling an unpleasant sensation..
I told them I was scared because I had heard a lot of stories about water collecting and such with silicone..
They said that if the silicone and forehead bone don't fit together well, sometimes fluid can collect and inflammation can occur
They said those symptoms are fine if the fluid is drained a few times, so since I had decided to do silicone, I made up my mind to trust the doctor..
They also said that any boundary line that could occur with silicone should be combined with fat, so I did that together too..
Once the swelling goes down a bit and Lunar New Year passes.. I am preparing for double eyelid surgery there
Actually, that hospital was introduced to me because acquaintances around me and their family members had their eyes done so beautifully there
Then... because of the botched nose, I had implant removal surgery there and fat grafting for the sunken temples too,
and it seemed just okay, and I also liked that they treated me humanely, which was a big reason I chose that hospital..
Actually, I wanted to do the eye surgery together this time... but they said if I do the forehead, because of temporary swelling the eyebrow position may look different,
so wouldn't it be better to do it after enough swelling has gone down, and I agreed..
Originally I already had double eyelids, and before my face was ruined I had never even thought about eye surgery or the forehead,
but I am just going to struggle desperately... I am trying hard to live again... Even if I become a different-faced me, as long as it is better than now, that's enough..
They said it is advisable to do revision nose surgery after more than a year..
So I am planning around July~July this year...
For nose surgery, I am thinking of visiting and consulting at a few Seoul hospitals I have found through this community
and then deciding..
This is just something I'm saying, but I think cosmetic surgery is luck
Even if you meet an excellent doctor unconditionally, if something about the compatibility doesn't fit,
I don't think you can get a result you are satisfied with..
Honestly, even now I don't really know..
Whether they are treating me just as a way to make money..
or whether they can really give me a new life again..
I often had these thoughts..
Why did it have to be me??
Everyone else turns out well, gains even more confidence, and lives as if they never did anything and were naturally good-looking,
so why am I like this??
I cried every day wishing that I could die peacefully as I slept and not wake up in the morning...
Well, I tried self-harm and received psychiatric treatment, and I still haven't been able to meet even one friend around me, but..
Until the end of this year, I will struggle no matter what..
.
If I get better again.. someday the day will come when I can share good information with everyone...
If you read this long rambling of mine to the end, I truly thank you..
And.. I have reflected enough on my immature actions and their results, and I am still suffering so much..
I respectfully decline words wrapped up as consolation that mean I should feel responsibility for what I did..
You should go through it too.. Then you will know..