I'm just feeling depressed.. All of a sudden.. I thought, why did I have surgery? Honestly, I lived without being that dissatisfied with my eyes.. I did have a lot of fat on my upper eyelids, but my inner double eyelids were darker than other people's.. anyway, in my own way.. I was satisfied.. Then I became a graduating student... and kept failing again and again at companies hiring in the second half of the year.. Kids with worse grades than me and no certifications... just because their faces were pretty, got proudly hired at major companies... So I was really depressed. So I decided to have surgery, thinking that if my eyes at least became bigger, maybe things would get a little better. My family opposed it like crazy.. and in the end, I even made my mom cry and still had the surgery. My timid mom, worried something might go wrong with me.. said if I was going to do it anyway, I should go to Seoul. I practically lived in this community every day, researching here and there, and had it done at a fairly famous place in Apgujeong.. But I heard that place was more famous for the buried-suture method, so honestly I hesitated a bit.. but I just trusted the doctor. Incision and epicanthoplasty.. But.. as time passes, it just keeps looking... strange.. I had it done on December 23, so it's been over two months.. The swelling is no joke, and one eye's line is short too.. Yesterday I went for an interview, and since I was in Seoul, I stopped by the clinic. The manager who, when I first had surgery, had been flattering me in every possible way. Wow. When I went there.. they didn't even give me a cup of green tea. Even though there were empty cups in front of everyone else... Did I see the doctor for about 2 minutes? I said my eyes felt tight, and he said it's like that until 3 months. Then he said it would be fine once the swelling goes down. It felt so empty.. So I was about to go home. They told me to take photos. I asked if I couldn't skip taking them.. They said they'd get scolded.. seriously. I held it in. So I leaned against the wall. They said the camera was acting weird, that it was blurry.. and took about 10 photos.ㅡ.ㅡ The time spent taking photos was longer than the consultation.. and they were so brazen about it.. As I left, tears came out. It's not like I'm their promotional material. Did I come to have photos taken... Sigh. I know well that regretting it is useless. I just thought I might feel better if I vented here.. I feel sorry to my mom and dad.. I hate this world that judges people by appearance.. I hate going to interviews with a face that looks stranger than before I got double eyelids... I guess I'm being punished.. Cosmetic surgery.. I really think it's something worth thinking about very seriously.. Those of you who had it and succeeded.. I'm really envious.. The saying that time is medicine.. of course.. as time passes, it will probably get somewhat better. But the time until then.. feels so hard... I'm sorry for writing so much depressing stuff. Next time, I hope I can write something happy~ March, when flowers bloom.... May all of your lives be full of brilliant spring sunshine~!
Like 0