Please save me Please don't just pass by

Do you remember me?? It has already been.... four and a half months since I had jaw, cheekbone, and nose surgery in Thailand... The nose went wrong, so I had removal surgery, but... following the area between my eyebrows, as if drawing a circle down to under my eyes, bruising remains like dark circles, and I see no sign that it will disappear. Even under-eye hollowing has appeared, so beneath the bruising it looks even darker like dark circles...... There is even a diagonal line under the under-eye hollowing... On top of that... I also have nasolabial folds,,, The area between where the diagonal line formed and the nasolabial fold is plump, and it looks disgusting, almost like a bulldog.... Maybe because the right side of my jaw was shaved too much asymmetrically, my tonsil (?) looks slightly like a lump, and the hollowing on my right temple is severe.... I've already had my first round of fat grafting.... I want to die... No, I tried to die once... Right now I'm receiving psychiatric treatment... They said the number showing depressive symptoms should not exceed 10... Mine was 49, and they said if it gets hard, I should be hospitalized. From the beginning, the swelling was worse on the right side, and even now the right side feels numb and constantly uncomfortable, so I went to a university hospital... I asked whether these various symptoms were side effects.. whether it was cheek sagging.. and that the sensation on the right side wasn't good, and whether I could at least get an X-ray... The doctor got angry and said of course your face changes when you have surgery, and asked why I was crying and making a fuss, sounding annoyed. So I said I wanted to at least get an X-ray to see whether the bones had healed well, and he told me to get one around next year, so I came out as if I had been chased away... Because of the bruising around my eyes, I also went to several dermatology clinics,,, One doctor said maybe they were dark circles I originally had, and that even with laser it would be difficult and take a lot of time, and that even with treatment I should be satisfied with slight improvement rather than a full cure. I once ran out crying and sobbing.. After that, I carried old photos with large images of my eyes and went around to dermatology clinics.. The doctors only say vague things, like that it will probably disappear and that we should wait a little longer.. My nose became strange because of the failed surgery, but because of the bruising, I'm too scared to even think about revision surgery.. Even after 4 months, there is absolutely no sign it will disappear, and I only want to die.. I heard that after jaw and cheekbone surgery, you have to wait at least six months before you can do something like lifting, so I'm just waiting for the end of this year.. I live outside Seoul, and my parents say we should go to a hospital in Seoul, but I have no idea what hospital I should go to... If I do things like fat grafting, lifting, or face remodeling, can I really go back to looking good like before?? Even as I write this, it is extremely painful,, There are so many things I can think of to write, but tears blur my vision, so it is barely possible and very hard to write... During Chuseok, I ran away to my older sister's place, where she lives alone,., Even now, without hospital medication, I can't sleep more than 3 hours a day. I secretly try to hold on to hope that maybe my face can get better again with surgery by the end of this year, and I try to stay strong... but living like this with bruise marks like a panda is truly hard Everyone, please help me.. Please don't just pass by, please help me What should I do now??? I see no way forward, and every single day I only want to die.