It's so hard. I feel so sorry to my parents. I was crazy.. What possessed me to make this kind of choice? My face has become strange, and even my mind is becoming strange. I can't meet my friends or see my parents. My mom, who lives in the provinces, doesn't know anything and just thinks I simply have depression, so when she gives me so much comfort and advice over the phone, it only tears my heart apart more. If she sees this truth, my face now, my mom will suffer even more than I do. I want to turn back time. If only I could..... I resent the doctor like crazy. But I'm a pathetic person who doesn't even have the nerve or courage to go and argue. The jaw reconstruction surgery I'm placing my only hope in means I'll have to go through the pain of another painful surgery, and the cost is also enormous, so I still can't even bring myself to consider it. Only if I get reconstruction will I be able to live like a person, but when will I ever prepare all that money.. In this pitch-black darkness where I can't see my future or what lies ahead, I don't know what to start with, what to do, or how to live. I pray dozens of times, even though I normally never pray. Is this punishment because I was so shameless, only looking for help when I needed it? I really hate myself. I feel hopeless and choked up.
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