I almost had an early nasal implant replacement.. (the anxiety spiral period)

Hi everyone, I recently had my third rhinoplasty! I’m writing this rambling on my way home after a follow-up at the clinic, so please understand in advance that it may be a bit disorganized. I was satisfied with my first nose surgery from 2022 for about two years, but because my skin is thin, the silicone was showing through at the glabella area and a step-off developed between the nasal bridge and nasal tip, so I had my second surgery this January. The result was truly the worst. As soon as the splint came off, there was some kind of Avatar there.. As the swelling went down, the Avatar-like glabella did get better. And because they used a slightly lower silicone implant, the silicone show-through disappeared, but the starting point of the silicone was placed too high, and the nasal tip was pulled upward too much compared with the bridge, so from the front my nostrils were more visible, and from the side it was just like a Banana Kick snack.. Every time I went in for follow-ups, I cried saying I hated it so much, and after seeing me like that, the doctor said the nasal tip would definitely come down, but then suddenly resigned and went somewhere else.. lol They only said irresponsible things like, “It’ll be fine once the swelling goes down~ It’ll come down~,” so I even missed the timing for early correction and lived like that for almost 10 months. In the beginning, I really went through a full-on anxiety spiral period, looking in the mirror and crying every day, searching communities like this one every dawn. My family was really sad too, and unless it was close friends, I would purposely avoid plans. Later on, once I got somewhat used to my face, it got a bit better. But as the swelling gradually went down, the nasal tip stood out even more, and I was so stressed that I decided to have a third surgery. I live outside Seoul, so going back and forth to Seoul and going around for consultations was too exhausting, so I had it done by a different director at the same clinic. The consultation was really good, he pointed out the problems well, and he listened so kindly to everything I had been through that I even cried during the consultation. Anyway, I felt like I could trust this director and leave it to him, so I had my third surgery in December. When you’re wearing the splint, you can see the nostrils or columella when they change the cotton. I did feel like the columella seemed to be protruding quite a bit. But you can only really know after the splint comes off, so I took good care of it for a week. Then at one week, when the splint and stitches were removed, gasp, there was an Avatar again this time. On top of that, my nose had become a swollen, blunt-looking nose. I’m someone who doesn’t usually swell much, but they put tape on the nasal bridge, you know. The bridge area was really bumpy. Since it was my third surgery and all, I guess the swelling was severe. Anyway, as soon as I saw it, the nasal tip wasn’t exactly to my liking, but it was much better than before. Still, I was shocked because the glabella was too high. When I asked the director, he said it would still be high even after the swelling went down. I felt so hopeless. I had told him I had no greed for height and asked him to make it as natural as possible. And it felt like all my requests had not been clearly reflected. But I kept thinking, it must be swelling.. it must be swelling.. and then I kept thinking, what if it isn’t swelling? That thought kept coming up. Right, I had fully entered the anxiety spiral period.. If you go into my profile and look at the comments I left, you’ll know. Morning, evening, dawn, I kept searching through community posts. When I touched the glabella it was so hard that it really didn’t feel like swelling.. I was so anxious that I called the consultant and sobbed while crying.. I said I couldn’t live with this height, and if it was swelling I would wait, but if not, I wanted an early replacement.. The consultant talked to the director, and the director said he definitely had not placed it that high, but that I should come to the clinic so he could take a look, and if it seemed too high, he would do an early replacement. So I immediately booked a ticket for two days later in a hurry and waited. I was so anxious that I kept searching again for posts about early correction, early removal, and so on.. Then the day to go to the clinic came, and I went to the clinic and checked my current condition with the director. He said that during surgery, he really placed it beautifully, and since it was a revision surgery and the consultation had been long, he paid more attention and operated for a longer time. But he said that he was also a bit flustered because it looked high after the splint came off. So he said there would be some swelling too, but then he pressed firmly on the glabella area and showed me, saying this would probably be the height once the swelling went down. Even so, by my standards, it was too high. It felt like it went in slightly from the forehead and then came right back out again.. Anyway, he said if I wanted an early correction, we could do it that day, and if not, we could watch how the swelling went down. In my heart, I really wanted to replace it with something lower, but there is such a thing as the worst-case scenario.. Opening the nose again so soon.. Especially because this was my third surgery, the worst-case scenarios kept coming to mind. So after thinking about it a huge amount, I decided to just watch the swelling go down and let it settle. Right now, the image is that the bridge is so bam! present that it looks masculine, and it feels so different from before. Still, I also think maybe I’ll get used to it over time like I did after the second surgery.. And since the director said he made it pretty during surgery, I think I’ll just wait and see..! Since the splint came off, I cried all day whenever I looked in the mirror, and I even cried at the clinic with my nose running, but after deciding to just wait, I actually feel more relieved. It’s only day 10, and I look like an Avatar and kind of masculine, but I think the shape itself is better than before, so I’m trying to think positively. I may have another anxiety spiral once in a while, but.. later, once the swelling goes down and the line I want comes out, I’ll come write another post! I searched every possible keyword in this community to find posts, but I think it actually made me more unsettled, so I’m thinking of cutting down a bit. I don’t know if I can though.. Anyway, everyone going through an anxiety spiral period like me!!! I don’t know if this will be any help, but hang in there, eat well, and I hope you try to think in the best direction possible. Bye!! Thank you for reading! If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment anytime!!