I’ve Had Several Failed Eye Surgeries. Please Help

I really feel like I’m dying because of my eyes. My first plastic surgery was during summer vacation in 8th grade. I really hated my eyes that looked like buttonholes, so I begged my mom to let me get double eyelid surgery.. I truly regret that now, but my mom said we should go to a hospital recommended by my aunt, who is a doctor’s wife. It was a hospital run by someone my aunt knew from church, and the hospital was really small, more like a clinic than a hospital.. Still, I trusted them and had epicanthoplasty and incisional double eyelid surgery, but the epicanthoplasty left scars like fingernail marks at the inner corners of my eyes, and the double eyelids were uneven, with bumpy incision lines.. I went to complain to the hospital several times, but instead they yelled at me and told me to leave. I guess because I was young, they ignored what I said. Still, I held onto hope for revision surgery and endured it for five years. Five years later, I had revision surgery at a large hospital in Seoul (one everyone would know just from the initials), but the scars changed from fingernail marks to fine, crinkly scars... During college, I even developed social anxiety and couldn’t look people in the eye.. During summer vacation that semester, I had a reconstruction consultation at a hospital famous for epicanthoplasty reconstruction. I should have looked into it more before doing it Because I live outside Seoul, the internet was the only place I could rely on After surgery at that hospital, my eyes became severely uneven, and I complained...(You know reconstruction costs an enormous amount, right? I’m a student and it was paid with my parents’ money, and we had already poured so much money into this..) The director said he had operated while considering my eye size because he thought smaller eyes wouldn’t suit me, but that it was a mistake, and he said he would do revision surgery for me.. After the revision surgery, it was horrific. I don’t know how much of the muscle that closes my right eye he cut, but my eye wouldn’t close, and the inner corner of my left eye was extremely thin, with muscle clumping together (I asked what the lump at the inner corner of my eye was, and he said it was clumped muscle and that a few months of scar injections would be enough), so I hated looking at my eyes. I deliberately kept squeezing my eyes shut, so the incision line became completely bumpy.. Because of the muscle removed from my right eye, that eye opens wide, and when I open my eyes it opens differently from the other eye, making me look like I have strabismus. So every day I only wear circle lenses with a large diameter.. Because of the clumped muscle in my left eye, I go to the hospital every month for injections, but there’s no sign of improvement.. I really cried while looking in the mirror for six straight months.. Because of my eyes, I don’t want to meet friends, and a boyfriend I dated in college openly criticized me, asking why my eye scars looked like this.. I feel like I’m dying. My parents also blame me, saying this all happened because I touched my eyes in middle school.. But my parents must be upset too What should I really do.. I’m still in my early 20s and I’m so upset I could die. Sometimes I feel so miserable that I even have bad thoughts..